There's a scene between Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in the movie "You've Got Mail" that I can't help but think of. As Kathryn Kelly (Meg Ryan) is struggling with her business and knowing all the years and memories of business with her mom is coming to an end, Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) tells her to remember, "It's not personal. It's business."

That scene has come to mind so many times this year because to be honest, it's personal. My business isn't just a paycheck. Photography to me is a creative process where I pour my heart and soul into creating a gift for you to cherish for a lifetime. While generally this brings me much joy, it also has a deeply heavy side of grief. Sometimes my gift ends up being all you get for the rest of your life. That comes with a heavy weight for me.

In the last 15 months I have experienced the death of 5 clients.

Five.

For 4, and possibly 5, I was the last professional photographer to take their photo.

For 4 their death was completely unexpected and stunned us all completely.

I spent the first day of 2017 attending a funeral, and again the last week of 2017. Then again this past weekend. Tears are overflowing even as I write this.

The Professional Photography climate is tough right now. Digital photography has opened a whole new, wonderful world. We all finally get everything we could possible want on our phone, including a great camera. But with that wonderful invention has come a culture change as well. A culture that moves at such a fast pace from one thing to the next that we forget to tangibly archive the moments and memories. All those sweet faces end up on old phones, hard drives, clouds (maybe) and CD's that have the future of the 8 track tape. While I believe the pendulum will swing back to some extent, technology is changing so fast that it's hard to know what is in store for us.

The industry as a whole has changed. As any photographer that has been in business for any length of time can tell you, after taxes and expenses, its a hustle to make it profitably. Most professional photographers have another source of income to get by. I hesitate to write this because it is not intended to be a pity party in any way, but rather a discussion about value. Unfortunately, sometimes this art that we produce becomes literally priceless.

As I mourn and process these losses, the message that I want to take away is to value those around me. To schedule photos and get in the picture, even if I haven't lost the 10 pounds I wanted to. To print my memories, as well as back them up in the cloud (this is tornado country after all!). And to remember.

To remember my beautiful little friend Kylie - one of the sweetest souls you could ever imagine.



And, to remember Allie- the tiniest Angel I have ever seen.


And Robin- the most generous and kind person you could ever meet.